People who are hostile aggressive have a tendency to bully or overwhelm you with powerful speeches. They ridicule or humiliate you by their remarks, which often contain corrosive or obscene phrases. Sometimes they employ more subtle methods and make hostile jokes or sarcastic remarks. They have a tendency to criticize you personally, not your mistakes. With such treatment they confuse, frighten, or frustrate you and leave you either in tears or raging mad.

When such negative emotions take over, you can lose your power of rational thinking. They get irritated because you cannot see as clearly as they can. If they don't get their own way, they sometimes explode and adopt tantrum-like behavior, during which they will make fearsome attacks with all the rage and fury they can command, throw objects, or even strike a blow. Such eruptive behavior, barely under control, has become a part of their repertoire, probably there since childhood.

Sometimes they use a more covert method, especially if you are in a dominating position. For example, if they disagree with you, they will wait until your back is turned and they will make nasty hand signal or talk about you to another co-worker.

The following are some of the strategies you can use to cope with hostile aggressive people:

1. Express your own opinion. Use self-assertive phrases like: “In my opinion...” or “I disagree...” or “I believe.” However, do not shout back because having a shouting match is not likely to help the situation and in many ways is the exact response they are looking for.

2. Stand up for yourself. Don't let them push you around. You must try to say something of an assertive nature like “Hang on, I've got something to say to you” or “You've got to hear me out – like you, I too have a point.” You may have to give them some time to calm down before you can get your word in. Sometimes you can get their attention if you drop a pencil or a book or stand up abruptly. Use whatever ploy is necessary to interrupt them, without worrying about being polite. If possible get them to sit down, as people are less aggressive when sitting down.

3. Avoid bumping heads. Don't try to win. Even if you win a battle, you are sure to lose the war. One defeat is not likely to cure such expert hostile aggressive people of their affliction. If the situation gets very hot and rational conversation becomes impossible, suggest a break. If your suggestion is completely ignored, you can leave the scene, saying that you will be back later to talk.


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