All of us have said and have had wrongful thoughts during the heat of the moment. We've lashed out at our parents, our loved ones, and those at work. And I'm sure most of us regret what we may have said and the pain our actions and words may have caused. With the exception of those who are truly mentally ill, I don't believe any of us want to hurt others or carry feelings of animosity, but for some of us, particularly those who have experienced difficulty, especially if we feel we have been wronged, these feelings of bitterness may be hard to reconcile with. The truth of the matter is, those who do not deal with these feelings are almost destined to become what they detest.

There are four basic elements of communication and they are:

1) the Messenger,
2) the Message,
3) the Receiver, and
4) the Feedback.

Within these four distinctive elements is the opportunity to become confused or frustrated, especially if you put into the equation of communication that seventy percent of all communication is nonverbal, primarily referring to body language, and that twenty-three percent of all communication is pitch, tone, and the rate of the message's delivery; which only leaves about seven percent of what is actually being said. Seven percent!

The biggest problem facing us as individuals, whether dealing with the opposite sex, one on one, with groups, organizations, or other nations or cultures, is miscommunication. Think about it: How many times have you been with a loved one, or with a coworker, or on a date, and everything seemed fine, right up until the moment you may have said or communicated the wrong message at the wrong time? You're not the only one! Then, you desperately try to undo what you have already done, only to bury yourself further. Now add the frustration we may be feeling until we're not sure what to say or do next.

The biggest single component in miscommunication is we simply do not listen! Whether it's the messenger, the message, or the feedback, we do not consider what is being stressed to us. This statement rings particularly true for those we are the closest to. At times we brush off those we know and who understand us the most for reasons of complacency. At times we will take in information provided by others whom we do not know as well, even though both elements of the information are the same. We simply choose not to listen.


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