The principles for overcoming social anxiety and low self-esteem you read about for adults also apply to young people. Your job as a parent is to provide support, motivate your child to work on overcoming social anxiety, provide your child with opportunities for exposure, and offer your child encouragement and praise when he or she succeeds. Below are 3 ways you can implement an exposure plan with your child:

1. Be a coach. When an opportunity presents itself for your child to say something to another child or an adult, encourage him to speak up. For example, when you order food at a restaurant, ask your son to order for himself. (Let him practice with you beforehand—you can role-play that you're the waiter or the counter attendant.) If he whispers, ask him to speak up. If he refuses, ask him to order dessert for the family later in the meal. If he can't do it the first time, don't get angry. Praise him for trying, and let him know that you're going to keep on urging him to try. (Don't withhold the dessert! The reward is for effort, not for success!) Let your child know you're not going to give up, and you're sure he'll be able to do it soon. Rewards can help motivate many children to tackle tough situations. If possible, tie the reward directly to the behavior: "Tina, you may have a cookie if you go up to the counter, order it, and pay for it yourself." For older children, the reward can be a fun activity that itself promotes further interaction with peers: "Erin, if you invite a friend over on Saturday evening, we'll get pizza and a video" With time, your child will keep on doing these things not just for the material payoff, but because it feels good to be confident!

2. Be a matchmaker. Provide opportunities for your child to interact socially with other children. Sometimes socially anxious children don't want to play with other kids, and they can come up with some very creative excuses. Let your child know that having friends is an important part of life. Make it a priority. Invite another child to tag along with you and your daughter, and encourage her to make conversation, to express her feelings, and to make the other child feel welcome. Encourage your daughter to invite her peers to hang out at your house.

3. Set an example. Teach your child how to handle social situations. The best way to do this is not by telling, but by showing. And the best way to show is to let your child see you do things regularly in your everyday life. Let your child see you look someone in the eye, firmly shake hands, and say "Pleased to meet you." It can also be useful to talk out loud (to yourself, but knowing your child is listening) about how to approach a challenging social situation. For example, while getting dressed to go out to a business dinner, you might say, "I'm going to be meeting some new people tonight. I'll be sure to say hi to everyone, even if I don't remember all the names later."

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