An important step in becoming an effective flatterer is to understand why flattery helps you establish better relationships with others. The root cause of the power of flattery gets at a basic principle of human behavior: People crave being appreciated. The vast majority of people from varying cultures desire recognition. In Asian cultures the desire for group recognition is generally stronger than the desire for individual recognition. Nevertheless, the need for recognition exists.

The joy of work may be a powerful motivator, but even those who get the biggest feeling of excitement from their work such as scientists, visual artists, and photographers crave flattery and recognition. Otherwise they would not compete for Nobel prizes or enter their work in important exhibitions.

Another reason flattery is so effective relates to the normal need to be recognized. Despite all that has been written and preached about positive reinforcement, most people receive precious little positive feedback. Flattering a person who has not received a compliment in a long time is as powerful as giving a glass of water to a very thirsty person. Many people hardly ever receive compliments either on the job or at home, thus intensifying their demand for flattery.

The insecurity that many people feel contributes to the effectiveness of flattery. These people would like to think they are doing their job well, being a good family person, or making a contribution in community service. Yet they are not certain, and because of this less-than-complete confidence in the value of their contribution, they welcome external validation. Flatter a person with lurking insecurity and you have drawn that person toward you. Can you remember a time when you felt insecure while performing a new job? How did you feel when someone whose opinion you respected tells you that you are doing a great job?

Flattery is also effective because many people expect charming and tactful people to flatter. If you withhold all flattery, you run the risk of not being perceived as charming and tactful. Given that charm and tact contribute to magnetism, and people are more likely to perceive you as magnetic if you flatter them.

To not flatter others can be a serious career drawback. You can lose out in competition with those who combine good job in performance with the ability to flatter. One study on how advancement was achieved at the top levels in major business corporations concluded that a company's top workers tend to be equal in performance. So advancing was based 30% on image and 50% on face-to-face contacts with the boss. Flattery enters the picture because it can play a big part in enhancing one's image and in contacts with one's superiors.

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