Confident men and women prevent and avoid destructive and/or abusive communications by choosing to be with people who do not engage in these kinds of behaviors. They are very careful to keep close relationships with only those people who treat them with respect, care, and concern. You can usually eliminate disrespectful people from your life. If you can't (because of circumstances beyond your control such as being related to, living next door to, or working in close proximity to them), you can limit and control the amount and type of time you spend with them. You can also have a lot of control over the communication that takes place.

Choose to Deal With or Not

While no one should allow anyone to speak to them in a disrespectful or abusive way, you must remember that in many situations people inadvertently say or do stupid, inconsiderate, or thoughtless things that have an affect on how we feel about ourselves. In many cases, it probably makes sense to ignore them. After all, if we felt a need to act on every annoyance or twinge of hurt, we'd drive ourselves and everybody else crazy. That's called hypersensitivity.

If you have difficulty deciding whether to let a remark pass or to deal with it, assess the situation on a scale from 1 to 10. Let's say that your father blurts out that he thinks you should drive more carefully. Fathers do that kind of thing. Even if he is correct, how you take his words will depend upon how his words make you feel, the tone of his voice, the attitude he exhibits, his intentions, where you are, and whether this is the first or the fiftieth time he's said it. If you are only slightly irritated by his words, then simply consider the source, let it roll off of you, and go on with your driving. If you find that you are feeling more than slightly irritated, then you can ask yourself, on a scale from 1 to 10, how annoyed you are. If it's below 8, then forget about it. If it's 8 or above, then you can choose to deal with the issue.

Don't Waste Time Trying to Figure Out Why People Act Badly

Whether it's your boss yelling at you, your sister blaming and attacking you, or your spouse using hostile words, if you get a sick feeling in the pit of your stomach, then you know it's something you need to deal with. Anger is what people feel; aggressive acts are what they do. Sarcasm, insults, blame, attack, and hostility are all inappropriate, aggressive acts that serve no good purpose.

     Listing # 0200