Despite the fact that there are many couples who have been married for ten, twenty, or even thirty or more years, some never get around to developing a tolerance for each other's differences. They have made the mistake of thinking that, just because two people fall in love and get married, each of them should act and think like each other. In time they forget about the differences that attracted them to each other in the first place, and only seem to be getting offended by each other.

In any type of relationship where two people are closely bonded, differences in opinions and priorities are bound to develop. It is also inevitable that each individual within the relationship handles anxiety and stress different as well. At first these difference do not create a problem, but as the relationship progresses, the lack of understanding one another can lead to some very series complications.

If you and your partner are having the same type of issues, then break the cycle by keeping the following points in mind:

1. Acknowledge the role that you both play during any type of problem that comes up. Take responsibility for your actions that contributed. It is a mistake to automatically assume that the fault lies with your partner.

2. Without saying your words in an accusatory manner, state your feelings and your needs specifically as you can. Instead of starting your sentences off with “You always...” or “I can't stand the way you...” or “You make me feel...” Instead, try “I often feel that...” or “Might you consider...” or “Can we try...”

3. Always be willing to compromise with each other. Having this ability can mean the difference between a successful marriage or a failed marriage.

4. Develop a respect and an appreciation for each other's perceptions and individuality. Stop trying to be “right” all of the time. Instead, be willing to take some blame and be willing to be wrong.

5. Remember that no matter how well suited you and your partner may be for each other, there will invariably be times when you will clash. So just keep in mind that “different” is just that, and not a moral judgment.

6. Practice this philosophy: There is no right or wrong. It may be hard to get around that way of thinking in the heat of an argument with your significant other, but this technique can take you from throwing insults, to compromising and working out the problem, in a heartbeat.


     Listing # 0050