“I never feel like I get enough of my husband David,” his wife, Lynn told me. “He always seems distant when we make love, as if he is removed, like he is holding back some deeper part of himself. He doesn't really share his feelings with me and when we make love, I sometimes feel like I am going at it all alone, like I'm solo.”
The above comments are heard by women every day when they go see their marriage counselor for help. They talk about their intense loneliness with their mates, particularly while making love in the bedroom. The most commonly used description is that they feel like they are making love to a “silent partner”. They say that, “the second he gets into bed, it's like he has lost all interest and is just going through the motions.” One women who has been married for just two years complained that, “He doesn't say a single word the entire time until we are finished and then when he does talk it is something like 'That was great honey, good night.' And I feel like saying back to him, 'Great for you, but lonely for me, all I feel is emptiness.'”
When we are describing the silent partner, it must also be noted that he is not just uncommunicative, but he will frequently close his eyes during sex as well as his mouth as soon as the lovemaking begins. If he kisses his partner at all, it is once at the beginning and once at the end before his “parting” words.“My husband is so very self absorbed, besides his body – I don't feel like anything else is really there,” one women explained.
Men have to understand that their wives not only feel lonely inside when experiencing their lover as the “silent partner”, they also feel used. They feel as if they are merely being treated as sexual objects, and not as the object of their husband's affection, due to emotional neglect. One women stated that “It's not even like my husband is making love to a real person, let alone his wife, and I feel like a used blow-up doll.” Another lonely victim of her silent partner, her husband, said, “If he really loved me, he'd be there with me. If he really did care, then he would want to kiss me and talk to me.”
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