As a man continues to fail to satisfy and fulfill his female partner, he gradually changes his approach. He begins to deny his natural masculine impulses. He stops being responsible and decisive, feeling that whatever he decides is never good enough. He begins to turn off this part of him because it is too painful to make mistakes for which he might be corrected. He stops taking risks because it is most unpleasant for a man to think that he is not being appreciated, accepted, or trusted by the people he loves and who know him best.

When his plans fail and a women corrects his decisions without being asked to, she unknowingly hurts him and lays a foundation for him to become less motivated and caring. He begins to feel unwilling to give of himself, because it is too painful to experience her correcting him. When she corrects him or is disappointed by him, deep inside he feels inadequate and powerless.

Women correct men because they think it will motivate or help them change. The truth is, it just makes them more stubborn and unyielding. Women have no idea of how they affect a man when they try to improve him.

When a man fails, he needs time to mull things over and gradually assume responsibility for his mistake. Unfortunately, at such times a woman has a compulsion to make some offensive comment, like “I told you so,” or some correction like “You should have...,” or one of those famous last words “You know that...,” or a rhetorical question like “Why didn't you...,” or a generalization like “You never...,” or a sympathetic gesture like “I know you must feel bad” (I feel sorry for you).

She mistakenly assumes that these kinds of comments will get him to realize and remember his mistake. Their actual effect is to stimulate his self-righteousness and forgetfulness. Even if he acknowledges his mistake, he will forget the lesson he should have learned. A man remembers and learns from his mistakes when he is not corrected or rejected for them. He needs the support to correct himself.

What makes the above statements ineffective is that they are all attempts to help him feel or perform better when he hasn't asked for help. One of the most valuable things that a person could say to a man under stress is “What happened?” This helps him to center himself by becoming more objective. Then, if and when he becomes talkative, ask him “why” he thinks it happened.


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