There is a great difference between what a person intends to say and what a person may actually say. An implicit message is one in which communication is not plainly expressed. It is implied. Implicit messages can entangle the real or intended message.

Implicit, or unspoken, messages can cause others to feel frustrated, confused or angry. When you receive implicit or hidden messages in the communications of others, it can confuse future communication. That's why it's important to say what you mean and mean what you say. For example, the implicit message in the sentence, "My stomach is rumbling," could translate into the explicit message, "I'm hungry. When are we going to eat?''

If you adopt this unproductive and discouraging way of communicating by using implicit messages, your relationships may not be as fulfilling as you would like them to be. For example, after a disagreement during a discussion you are sitting next to the person with whom you are in a relationship. She states, "I'm cold." She then moves away from you and wraps herself in a comforter. There can be a certain meaning or expectation implied in her message, and/or she may be disguising her own feelings of insecurity. Your perception is that she is withdrawing from you and insulating herself with the comforter. Your explicit message would be, "I'm feeling distant, anxious, and insecure after our disagreement." This explicit message clearly states the person's feelings and allows an opportunity for further discussion. Concealed, or implicit, messages disguise the person's real emotions which may cause future complications.

Take personal responsibility for clarifying implicit messages to prevent the development of walls and barriers to communication. Don't let hidden messages become the rule rather than the exception. Make the implicit (unspoken), explicit (spoken). Clearly state what you mean without reservation or disguise. Leave nothing implied. You can check out what the person feels by directly asking them, "Are you feeling distant and uncomfortable after our discussion? I'd like to clear up what's going on between us." Checking out the intended meaning in the message ("I'm cold") will facilitate productive communication and congruent behavior, resulting in healthier relationships.

Start now! Don't allow your future decisions and feelings to be controlled by unproductive past experiences. Now is the time to courageously move forward and change your unproductive, past communications.

Develop greater self-respect by becoming more capable and responsible for communicating with clarity, consistency, and decisiveness. Get in touch with your optimism and courage to overcome your incongruent, self-defeating communication and behavior. Use your empathy and communication skills to develop the new, success-focused you! Your potential is unlimited!


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