It's conceivable that you've never before had to hire an attorney, except to write a will. And quite frankly, it can be upsetting. The day your hands need to reach for the phone to merely get a referral for a family law attorney, can cause you to break down in tears.

Like any profession you encounter, there are good attorneys and poor ones. Your job is to weed out the individuals you don't feel comfortable with, those not successful with this type of litigation, and those you simply cannot afford to retain.

Getting over the emotional paralysis of making that first phone call is easier if you look at your initial move as merely a consultation. And indeed that's all you're looking for, in most cases - a free consultation if possible to briefly outline your case. Your first visit to a lawyer will not set in motion anything permanent or irreversible. In fact, if you ever feel pressured to undertake action you aren't comfortable with, trust your instincts. Voice your concerns. Refuse to sign any agreements before you've had a chance to think. Or, get up and walk out.

Chances are good, however, that you will leave your initial meeting knowing at some level what to do next. It could mean you need other opinions. It could also mean that you feel very satisfied with this attorney's advice, having chosen the lawyer who will see your case to conclusion. Don't be afraid to take notes or ask for language to be clarified in everyday English. You're probably under stress, and that alone impacts your ability to comprehend and listen accurately. But the problem might not be you at all. Avoid any attorney who talks down to you, or anyone you believe is not being completely forthright.

Don't be surprised if your spouse pleads with you not to see an attorney. As we said before, knowledge is power. For whatever reason (and usually selfish ones), your spouse may very well be threatened by your moving ahead. It is advisable that you to get the knowledge and forget their thoughts, for the moment. The same applies if he/she encourages you to use the same attorney to represent both of you. Honestly, just how one attorney can look out for both sides?

Very often, the party who seeks legal input first has an edge in the months to come. An initial consultation with someone reassures you. Perhaps your spouse has threatened to sell the house. An attorney can tell you that if the asset is held jointly, your estranged is merely blowing steam.

Your attorney can also warn you about anything that could jeopardize your standing in a subsequent divorce, and give you additional pointers prior to separating. The take-away value of such advice is often substantial, ranging from major moves like bank account transfers or relatively minor details like possessions. For instance, if you really think your future happiness depends upon that brass lamp you got as a wedding gift, best to take it with you in the separation. The same goes for anything of sentimental value, or anything that could be fought over later. And, of course, the children's care should be given great thought. Without a formal custody order, which an attorney can help you with, each parent has equal access to the children. If one shows up to claim them at school or anywhere else, there is little you can do about it without such a document.


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